A Letter to my Brother on the 17th Anniversary of his Death - December 18, 2021

Dearest Peter,

Seventeen years ago on this day, December 18th, our hearts broke open and the earth tilted off kilter when you died from an agent orange related cancer. You were only 59 years old and had spent the last fifteen years in treatment of one kind or another to try and beat a cancer linked back to the Vietnam War.

 Throughout these years, I have played conversations in my head about what I would like to tell you about my life and the adult lives of your children, since this day in 2004. I wonder what you would think of the many years I spent working on a book about the war, our family, and the turbulent times of our country in the late 1960s. 

 Well, Peter, in your honor, I just did it: Wrote the book and by a miracle of coincidence, it was published this year, 2021. For me it was a way of continuing conversations with you through reading and re-reading your letters from Vietnam. I spent many months in those foxholes with you but of course, I did not have to experience the absolute terror that you had to live through.

 What would you think of the book? Of your words being shared? Would you be angry with me, or would you find healing in revisiting these stories? What I do know, is that the book has allowed me to connect with some of the buddies from your unit, @nd Battlaion/ 22nd Infantry, Compnay A aka the Triple Deuce, and they have appreciated your letters. Finally, what all of you went through is acknowledged, placed on paper, and recounted again. I have been told healing has occurred because of your letters.

The memory of you lives on and will continue through your well-written letters. May you rest in peace my dear brother, you are not forgotten.

 Your “little” Sister,

Annette

Backstory Blog #2: Coincidences and Connections, November 22, 2021

Horrors my brother experienced while in Vietnam were etched into his mind, and soul, forever. How does a person forget the sudden life-ending mortar that hits a soldier, a booby trap that explodes, VC coming out of tunnels underground, and the times he witnessed dismemberment and death right next to him? Returning home, Peter chose to bury all of it deep inside his being. It would leak out at times as nightmares, deep sorrow, guilt, and anger at the world to which he returned.

Some Vietnam vets chose to meet up again, continuing as a band of brothers at home through Vietnam Veterans of America, Veterans of Foreign Wars, The American Legion, and other veteran groups. My brother claimed he left all of it behind in Vietnam, he wanted nothing to do with reunions or meeting up with other vets to talk about war. This was his way of dealing with the madness of war, as he called it.

 I thought for a long time about whether or not to publish Peter’s letters. It was putting our family out there for the world to read.

 But---as I read books about Vietnam and books of soldiers’ letters, I knew Peter’s letters were especially remarkable, descriptive, and well-written, so I persisted.

 Remember, in the 2nd blog I talked about meeting Ruth Crocker, the wife of the well-respected captain of Alpha Company, the one who was suddenly killed? This connection was the first amazing synchronicity of this book. Another synchronicity was how Ruth Crocker, author and book publisher, coincidentally connected to a couple vets of her husband’s unit, the 2/22nd Infantry, aka the Triple Deuce. She has since attended Triple Deuce reunions, meeting more of the men who were in her husband’s and my brother’s unit.

 Here comes the third synchronicity: I emailed one of the veterans that Ruth is connected to and he happens to be the current president of the Triple Deuce. From there he said my book would be added to the book section of their website and he shared that they also have a section for veterans’ photos from Vietnam. He asked if I had any photos, especially ones that identify soldiers by name. Oh yes! I have photos! My journalist/photographer brother was very organized and captioned nearly all of the photos with first and last names in his extensive photo album. You know, the one that was lost for years and found?

 I took photos of his photos, making sure to capture the names written below and sent them for posting to the Vietnam Triple Deuce website. Since the photos and names were posted, I have heard from several vets of Alpha Company who knew my brother. I have received emails saying they were in that battle on p. 68, or page…

 One veteran sent me a photo taken after one of the battles and told me reading the book helped him reconcile with what happened in Vietnam. Another veteran said he was stunned to read about my brother’s very rare cancer and that he also was diagnosed with the same, very rare, cancer. I am hoping the book offers some closure and acknowledgement of what our soldiers endured, survived, and have had to live with all these years. For that reason, I am glad I put my brother’s and my family’s story out into the world.  

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How "Combat and Campus: Writing Through War" went out into the world

Backstory Blog #1: October 22, 2021

A slip of paper, more resembling a receipt than a note, fell from the back of Peter’s hefty album of photos he took in Vietnam while in combat and as company clerk in Dau Tieng.

The slip of paper, with ink beginning to fade, dated April 1998, was thirty years after his return from war. It listed three names and the locations of their names on the Vietnam War Memorial –The Wall, in Washington DC. Three names of fellow “brothers” of my brother that were his friends. Death came so quick to each of these soldiers traumatizing all who knew them.

The first name on this piece of paper was a familiar one to me, and to our family, because my brother spoke reverently, sadly, and with care about the outstanding commanding officer of their unit from January - May of 1969 who was suddenly killed in action. I heard stories about Captain David Rockwell Crocker, his sense of humor, an unusually kind leader who put his troops ahead of his own needs. “A truly decent human being,” my brother would say.

Was it the spirit of my brother, or just my curiosity that compelled me to “google” the first name on that slip of paper? Of Course, Captain David Crocker came up in my Google search with his military information, a photo, and his place on the memorial wall in Washington DC. What also came up in the search was information about his wife, Ruth Crocker.

As I clicked through the links, I learned that Ruth Crocker wrote a memoir, “For Those Who Remain, Remembrance and Reunion After War” about the deep loss of her husband and a memoir about her life and their short life together. I found her presence on social media, and emailed her to say how much her husband meant to my brother and mentioned I was working on a book of my brother’s letters from Vietnam. In about twenty minutes I had a reply.

We began emailing, then talked by phone. I learned she also has a publishing company. We shared about our writing lives. I mentioned my manuscript; telling her it was my 2nd book. She asked to see the manuscript and after reading it she thought my combination of Peter’s letters along with my campus experience at UW-Madison during the Vietnam antiwar protest years, and my poetry woven into the book offered a unique perspective.

She suggested I join the Military Writers Society of America, where I have since connected with accomplished authors.

As the months passed, there was editing, revision, brainstorming a title for the book, new sections written by me, copy editing, securing a graphic designer, and proofing…so much proofing. All along this process Ruth offered her guidance, suggestions, and publishing expertise.

The synchronicity of finding Ruth, our becoming friends, and Elm Grove Press publishing “Combat and Campus: Writing Through War” has been one of the highlights of my life.

Next time I will share how meeting Ruth Crocker helped to connect me with some of the men, the veterans, of the 22nd infantry who served with my brother.